Is Ben Good Enough?

Wow. It's almost 2:30 am and here I am in bed--wide awake. I finished up an assignment earlier and just wanted to chill out so I was reading a lot of random stuff and watch Tori Amos live performances. It's like after I completed that assignment and submitted it, I feel a bit weird. I spent a huge amount of time on it but thinking about it, I don't think or feel like I've done my best work. 

I think that a lot of the things I do just aren't up to scratch with where I should be and I think a lot of this insecurity stems from my parent never telling me I did a good job at anything or when I did I was asked why it wasn't done better. As a result I sit back and think sometimes about why I bother and keep torturing myself. I am thinking more and more about just calling it all quits because I'm not exceptional at what I do. I wish I could be and wish I had the talent to pick things up and turn dirt to gold but I can't. I'm not sure if I will ever get to that point though. Well, it's actually impossible honestly. 

As I listened to music I asked myself why I am where I am today. I forget how it feels to truely feel like I'm in love and that I matter. I guess I do need that reinforcement. I need some emotional and physical need and it's not being met. I can surround myself with all these good people but still can't let them get close. Maybe one day I can open my heart again before its too late for me.