Idiologic.com

I totally forgot to tell you guys and girls that I am living at Idiologic.com. I think I started this one after I was going to change my domain to point here. :)

Idiologic.com

Indomitable

Night time again and my sleep schedule has been downright horrible. Hopefully I can sleep a little better tonight than I did last night. I think I finally went to sleep around 5 am or so then woke up around 7:30. I managed to stay awake for most of the day but also managed to get nothing done with the project that's due on Monday. 

I'm gonna try anyway. I need to attempt to do my best to sleep if I can ignore the people who love riding their motorcycles around during the night or the 18 wheelers that like to shake the whole damned house. We will see. 

It's exam time as well so my concentration will be on that for the next week and a half. Wish me luck!!!

Is Ben Good Enough?

Wow. It's almost 2:30 am and here I am in bed--wide awake. I finished up an assignment earlier and just wanted to chill out so I was reading a lot of random stuff and watch Tori Amos live performances. It's like after I completed that assignment and submitted it, I feel a bit weird. I spent a huge amount of time on it but thinking about it, I don't think or feel like I've done my best work. 

I think that a lot of the things I do just aren't up to scratch with where I should be and I think a lot of this insecurity stems from my parent never telling me I did a good job at anything or when I did I was asked why it wasn't done better. As a result I sit back and think sometimes about why I bother and keep torturing myself. I am thinking more and more about just calling it all quits because I'm not exceptional at what I do. I wish I could be and wish I had the talent to pick things up and turn dirt to gold but I can't. I'm not sure if I will ever get to that point though. Well, it's actually impossible honestly. 

As I listened to music I asked myself why I am where I am today. I forget how it feels to truely feel like I'm in love and that I matter. I guess I do need that reinforcement. I need some emotional and physical need and it's not being met. I can surround myself with all these good people but still can't let them get close. Maybe one day I can open my heart again before its too late for me. 

Stress attack! Go!

Oh em f-ing gee it's been a tough few weeks for me, being the last few weeks of the semester and all. I am frantically trying to get my ideas and thoughts together to get through the next year. It's not looking pretty either. 

It will be fine though. I can and will do this, even if I'm almost dead while doing it. I'll try my best. 

I'd like a vacation. I need one. I can't go until late this year. I'm going to the USA for a while. I've been away for three years by that time. Let's go! 

I'm going crazy, I tell ya!

It Begins

If you've stumbled across this weblog, I'd like to say hello to you. I'm Ben and originally I come from around Houston, Texas but live in Melbourne, Australia now. I'm 33 years old and I like men. Sometimes I like women when the mood strikes me. I like swimming, camping, gaming, and being nice to people who deserve it. Here's a picture of me:

I still haven't figured out whether I'll keep my weblog at my personal website or migrate to this one. Who knows what will happen? Though I like being able to say whatever I want there, I think I can manage better here. 

A long time ago, before Google bought them, I used to use Blogger. Time to come back?